I haven't written in a while. Mostly because I was on the verge of going to the "Sunken Place" since Halloween. BUT I crawled out the hole before it got too deep, and even had an enjoyable birthday. My Black Friday consisted of going out with my sister and trying to catch Sales Brawls on our cameras, but people seemed to be shopping online this year. I know I bought my PS4 (birthday gift for myself!!!) online because I wasn't cutting my dinner short to stand outside in the cold. Did I need the PS4, not exactly, but did I just get paid and decide to blow it all on my gift? Hell yes!
I'll probably have buyer's remorse at some point, but I'll bat it away while lighting people up on Overwatch (oh yeah!).
So, about my title.... It's just something I've been thinking about a lot, especially with some of my "painfully White" classmates. It's weird, I like the older white classmates more than the ones in my generation. Now disclaimer, if this doesn't sound like you then I'm not talking about you and I'm a bit of a nihilist (realist? pessimist?) and don't think anyone will change because they read some obscure blog post by some black chick they don't even know.
Anyway, there's a forced quality to the inclusiveness of my white peers. It's not bad and most times you don't even notice it until certain situations. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, they're all liberals (at least publically) and are striving for a profession where you should be able to put yourself in another person's shoes. I mean we make up people that we want the reader to feel something for which I believe should instill a bit of empathy for all people within you.
So back to my delusional fantasy of what I thought being in an MFA program would be. I thought I was going into a group of "safe" white folks. "Safe" meaning I could be free to be who I am totally without pretense and feel validated in my views.
I've been in and out of predominately white demographics. I went to an all- black elementary school, then a mixed middle school, and a predominately white high school filled with "not too racist" whites. Meaning they only started racist shit when they got bored and decided to scrawl the N- word on the sidewalks. They also would swear up and down that racism was a thing of the past.
And I thought, "Yeah, duh!" It reminded me of this situation where I was at a bar with the "Happy Hour" crew and the subject of the "Point Break" remake came up. Mind you, I'm in my late 20s-- 80s baby, 90s kid-- and I said I'd never watched "Point Break".
My classmate immediately questions my age, which is valid because I've looked the same since high school, but we are around the same age. This is where I had to throw down the Race Card.
Maybe mentioning that I was throwing down the Race Card discounted what I was about to say (it happens right?). It wasn't like an overreaction or huge deal, I just wanted to point out that I most likely grew up watching a different range of movies during the 90s than my white classmates.
Thinking back on it, I remember what a wiser POC said. How white people will expect you to know all about their culture without reciprocation. Perhaps I should've countered this shock of not watching "Point Break" with,
"Have you seen I'm Gon' Git You Sucka?" Then look at them crazy when they can't tell me that Kenan Ivory Wayans starred in it. Or look at them with thinly veiled disappointed when they can't name all of the Wayans siblings.
One day I will attain this level of shade, but until then I'll keep practicing what I should've said in the past. I just want my white peers (millenials) to stop masquerading like it's only their grandma and Uncle Ted that are racist because they don't know any better.
I also want to get to the bottom of this "millennial" identity because we can't even decide what age range that is. Right now I'm taking it to mean anyone under 35 or in some cases 40. But, that should be it's own post.
Oh! I have almost 150 subscribers on my fan fiction, so yay! Currently working on more smut to post. I need a break from this "literary" shit.